A Mighty Force To Be Reckoned With

Amber just beat up my flatmate for no apparent reason. We can only hope that he will regain the use of his arm. She also scared an innocent bystander in the supermarket today by talking to herself. She was probably wondering where the pickled baby section was – baby eater.

Code Amber

Code Amber seemed like a great idea. We were stoked to discover that there was an online service that would alert us of Amber's presence. However, it turned out that Amber Alerts had something to do with protecting children. Thanks for getting our hopes up, Code Amber.

Afterthought: If the children were alerted of Amber's presence in the first place, they wouldn't be missing now, would they?

Keep your children safe by making their environment Amber free.

Have A Not-Happy 'The Day Humanity Practically Died' Day

Of course, Amber's birthday coincides with 'The Day Humanity Practically Died' Day.

On this day, it is customary to mourn for the entire duration of this 24 hour period. Frankly, we're crying all year long but for those who have the pleasure of not spending any time with Amber - it's understandable to only feel the pain once a year.

Meanwhile, I believe the Warehouse is selling Amber effigies for only $9.99, go out and burn one now!

Birthday Cauldron

What's the perfect gift for someone who is the source of all evil? A cauldron! We bought Amber one for her birthday (mainly because we were frightened of what she'd do to us if we didn't get her a birthday present).

She'll probably use it to make baby stew or something. We didn't have any fresh babies though. Here she is eyeing up a tender human boy for dinner.

We doubt that he will be able to defend himself with that tiny plastic guitar. Sucks to be him!


UPDATE: As a crusader against evil, I understand that my job is very dangerous. Proximity to Amber can put myself and others at risk. I'd like to apologise for jeopardising the safety of a fellow crusader by posting this photo unedited. I have now rectified this situation to protect his identity.

Hey! Guy With The Sign! You're Wrong!

Some guy was standing outside the hospital with a sign saying "Abortion kills children".

He's wrong.

Amber kills children.

Good Move Whoever Made That Decision.

There have been rumours circulating that the original draft of Thomas Harris's Red Dragon didn't contain it's famous character - Dr. Hannibal Lector. Instead the villian was Amber. However, the publishing execs didn't feel the world was ready for such a fearsome and ugly character and forced Thomas Harris to rewrite his book. We don't think the world will ever be ready.

Birthday

It is nearly Amber's birthday and while I normally buy her poison - I have just realised that she actually thrives on it. Apparently it helps with digestion.

So, how to best inflict harm on Amber on her birthday? I'm confounded.

Poor Becky.

Amber just ate her kitten.

Amber Is Mean To My Friends

Just now, Amber told my friend to get out. He seriously injured himself, probably in an attempt to get away from her as fast as possible. Even though he was recovering from this horrible accident, she demanded that he make her some pie. That's Amber for you.

Amber Repels Sunshine

We don't know what Amber's been up to, but the weather's been really shit lately. No prizes for guessing whose fault it is.

Ice Cream Without Amber

Life is magical when Amber's not around. We just had a visitor arrive and invite us around for ice cream! This kind of thing never happens when Amber's here.

Puppets

Sure, the democrats may have gained control of the senate and the house of representatives. But really, both the Democrats and Republicans are just puppets. Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Whatever metaphor you choose to use, there is very little difference between the two parties. I'm not talking about their similar commitment to neo-liberal economic integration but their lack of an Amber extermination policy.

When are the people going to get it through their heads? Democracy simply doesn't work.

I hate Amber

I just wanted to contribute.... so here i am contributing....

House Speaks The Truth

The fourth episode in the first season of House opens with a shot of a baby.

You can hear voices discussing the potential name for their baby.

"Amber"
"No"
"Why not?"
"It's a stripper name"

Thank you House. Though it would have been better if the person making the suggestion of the name Amber had been killed.

A Sigh Of Relief

We have good reason to believe that Amber is in Southland. Normally we'd give the people of Southland our greatest sympathy, but fuck them, Southland deserves Amber.

More Mysteries Solved.

Ever wondered why you can't get a red wine stain out of your carpet?

Yup, the reason is Amber.

Thank You Every Single Government In The World (But Fuck You France)

I suppose you've heard the news that every single government in the world
(except France) has banned Paramount's newest release - Amber: The Horror Movie of the Century.

Normally I'm against governmental censorship, but this time every single government in the world (except for the french) has done it's people a great service. They should be congratulated for a superb decision. The cinematic representation of Amber's deeds is just too much for anyone that has had their lives affected by this flagitious being.

NO AMBER ZONE

I was horrified to discover that Amber has been reading this blog and finding it humorous. This is totally unacceptable. I hereby declare this a NO AMBER ZONE. Click the image for a larger file, print it and stick it on your front door to keep your home Amber-free.

Another Space-Time Anomaly

I walked into the lounge and saw my past self playing on the Playstation.

Fucking Amber. Every time she burps she creates a rip in the space-time fabric.

Evil Brownies

Today I made brownies. In the process of making these brownies I managed to stab myself in the hand. Attempts by others to deal with the brownies was always met with frustration and anger including one person exclaiming "these are evil brownies from hell!"

Then Amber came along and had no problems. Clearly she can identify with evil brownies from hell, which isn't a suprise considering she's an evil maggot from hell.

Then she ate them all. What a pig.

Amber - Inventor of Human Suffering?

"My pols lecturer says that Amber invented human suffering. Is this true?" – Logan

Well Logan, I'm glad you asked. As a philosopher and long-time observer of Amber, I am uniquely qualified to answer this question. After rigorous philosophical analysis, I am confident that the answer is, YES.

Greens Ineffective In Dealing With Climate Change

The Green Party has introduced a bunch of new bills to help combat climate change.

All very well and good, but yet I don't see anything dealing with the main contributor of greenhouse gases. No, not agriculture. But Amber. She's a greenhouse gas within herself.

What Have YOU Done Today?

"It's surprising to see Cristy miss out on some of the other arrangements of Amber's name…" - Bren

A sincere effort was made to uncover all of the hidden messages in Amber's name. However, the anagrams turned out to be so rife with evil that a thorough sample was not viable.

It pains me that our wise and fearless leader, Bren, has found a flaw in my work. In my defence, I'd like to point out that I have thus far proved to be the most pro-active member of Hating Amber.

Did you really think I travelled up North to be there on my mother's birthday? Of course not (we all know that I was raised in the wild by wombats and have no human friends). No, I made an excuse and put almost 400km distance between Amber and I. That's 400km closer to safety and a better, Amber-free world.

What have you done about Hating Amber today?

PS: My mother's birthday isn't on Duck Memorial Day. That would just be embarrassing. I can't believe you guys fell for that!

More Hidden Messages

It's surprising to see Cristy miss out on some of the other arrangements of Amber's name that sheds light on her true character: for example, STAB MORE HAM, I mean, look at the stats people - pig homicides have increased exponentially since Amber was born. Coincidence? I think not. There's some clear statistical evidence to back that one up.

How about BAM HORSE MAT? I hate to think what this means for the horses of this world. And SHOT EMMA BAR? Are there any unsolved homicide cases involving any Emmas in a Bar? I think we just solved it. Actually, come to think of it - the police have probably already solved it, they're just afraid to approach Amber. You know, because she smells. Have a shower Amber.

That Time of the Month?

There was a big line outside the emergency department today.

The reason? Yup, you guessed it. Amber.

thief!

i hate amber, not only does she wear shoes inside and double knotted them so i couldn't forcibly remove them, but she has stolen my wittyness , so i am unable to post a witty post on this blog on this blogging site for all the bloggers and amberhatrz to endure.

Thief! (this is possibly a picture of her in her thief form >.> <.< (posibly inspired a game as the picture shows, great game btw))

dumbass

amber is just a DUMBASS. i once heard she melted a plastic spoon in hot oil because she thought she could cook. she cant cook for peanuts yet she insists on cooking while everyone around her drops dead of a disease. a disease ill have you know she created by just being alive. Another thing she is a tramp. giving someone a shag for teir birthday just because she can thats a loose unit right there. i hope she gets every std under the sun and aids.. but wait even they might be repulsed, repelled or downright revolted by her. people like this deserved to be shot and put out of their misery instead of letting the whole world suffer. or if u happen to be reading this devil incarnate do it urself!!!!!!!

Halloween

I know that Halloween is all about having a bit of fun frightening others, but this is extreme. Two kids came trick or treating to my house last night dressed up as AMBER. I was fucking terrified. Needless to say, I didn't give them any candy. I mean, that's just bad taste.