The final Harry Potter book is due out on the 21st of July. During one of many reconnaissance missions to J.K. Rowling's house (OK, I'm stalking her!) I found an interesting bit of paper screwed up in her rubbish bin. Clearly it's an alternative ending to this highly anticipated book.
Harry looked up at the pure evil that practically was flowing out of the figure of Voldemort in the distance as he killed muggles left, right, center and a couple of other dimensions that Harry couldn't possibly comprehend. Deep thoughts ran across Harry's head but were soon replaced by the girl that he shagged in the previous town. He had forgotten her name but remembered that he had quite liked her breasts. He couldn't conjure up better breasts to be honest. He bet that Voldemort could; he was the most powerful wizard of all time after all. Harry suddenly felt very inadequate - how was he supposed to defeat Voldemort if he couldn't even conjure up a decent pair of breasts? In fact, in general he kinda sucked at the whole magic thing - the nicest thing anyone could ever say to him was that he had his mother's eyes - which, to be fair looked like vomit.
The muggles were running away from the carnage yelling at the top of their lungs "Oh my god! This is the second most evil being ever to come to our town!"
Harry found this odd. In the distance he saw a lone figure leave a house and stop at Voldemort's feet. "I'm trying to play dance game!" the figure yelled and turned away. It was Amber, Voldemort suddenly died. Harry was shocked and angry - Amber had stolen his moment! He suddenly got very angry but that was replaced quickly with thoughts about whether she'll sleep with him when he realised that she was female. At this point, Harry had a brain aneurysm and died.
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